Category Archives: Sisi Tatafo

Things wey dey vex me: Abeg shut up!


I tell you ehn, e go hard make pesin wey dey live for  Lagos go heaven. As you comot for house, before you waka reach bus stop sef, reasons boku to curse somebody, anybody. I no go lie, I gbadun dis city but ehn, e dey vex me die. Dis column na dumping ground for all de things wey dey vex me for dis city plus dis country sef.

Plenty things dey vex me o make i just warn everybody o! Some of de tins wey dey vex me dey serious, like de yamayama things wey politicians dey do for dis country; some no too dey serious, like Yaba boys wey dem go dey pull pesin hand, bag and leg sef  wen you dey waka for road, and some no dey serious at all, like women wey go dey waka like cripple after dem wear kokoka shoe wey dem no fit take waka well. But I go yarn all of dem sha, make angry no turn me to crase pesin for dis city.

Anyway o, I enter danfo from Ikeja dey go Yaba, as we dey reach Anthony, na so one LASTMA guy with stomach wey resemble 7 month belle com stop de bus. Wetin dey happen? Before we passengers  fit ask one question the guy don jump enter the bus begin drag conductor.

Make I explain di matter well well make una understand me o. See ehn, true true de conductor dey hang from Ikeja and that kain thing dey vex LASTMA nor be small o, but  sha o as we begin reach Maryland, the conductor come begin arrange imself as im smell wahala. Im come siddon wit the four people wey dey for second row. I bin think say wetin de guy dey do but as de LASTMA drag am comot for Anthony, de officer dey shout say why de conductor dey hang for inside bus. Hang? See wahala o, the guy no hang wen dem catch am nau, na sit im sit wit 4 passengers but de LASTMA no wan hear sam sam dat. Dem talk say na four pesin suppose dey the seat so conductor dey hang. Oya, officer, wetin you dey arrest am for? Hanging abi overloading? LASTMA talk say na hanging. But de guy no hang, passengers dey scream, de officer no wan hear. Vex catch everybody and na so we comot from inside the bus o, because LASTMA wahala get reach part 5 for dia home movie.

As one drama dey end o, na so another one begin for my left hand side. One strange woman wey dey bus stop begin holla for the LASTMA, dey curse left right and middle – “woe unto all you Nigerians, war go dey this country, una all be liars, una no dey tell truth.”  Me I no wan answer am because I no sure if she crase abi if she dey normal and I no wan resemble crase pesin if me sef begin argue wit pesin wey don colo mental.  Madam you dey dia when the thing happen? You dey inside de bus? Mba, but she be naija pesin so she no need dey dia before she carry the matter for head, she nor need to know wetin happen, she get permission to jus chook her mouth for any matter nau. As per naija pesin, she no need mind her business at all. Mscheeew!

I dey look my watch, look the road as all de other danfo dey speed pass make LASTMA no stop dem too, I don late for de appointment I dey go for so I no get choice but to use my chekere change stop taxi and enter am.

I no come know de pesin wey I go vex for: conductor wey no fit reserve one seat for im yansh; LASTMA wey wan collect egunje before im release de bus abi na de crase woman wey no wan close her mouth for bus stop. Na so taxi man too begin yarn opata say we sisi eko too dey price taxi like say we no go collect de money back from our boyfriend. Wen de man see de red eye wey I take look am, im zip im mouth sharp sharp. Nonsense! Anyway, we go see next week except nothing vex me for this city – and i doubt that kain magic.