Sisi Tatafo dey for gisting mode.
Na wa for gatemen of nowadays oh. Apart from to dey open gate close am , dey beg you for money say this person or that person dey sick for village them no dey fit do any other thing. Just imagine now, time wey I for take dey inside room sofri lie down for bed call my new babe, I siddon outside dey look moon when be like low current wey PHCN dey supply. Today wey my wife nor still dey house, this yeye Ibrahim don come spoil show for me!
Ordinary to tell me before now say fuel no dey gen or say meter card go soon finish e no fit! Truth be told sha, nor be Ibrahim dey vex me this night. Na the person wen siddon near me, wey me dey laugh like generator wey nor get oil, na im dey press my button. My wife mama!
“My pikin, you know wetin I just remember? Big mummy, big mummy, house dey burn!”
I nor even troway spit. No be only say dis old woman prevent Jessica (my latest babe) and me from dancing awilo this night, she come still dey remind me of another useless night!
This kain time last year, my last born still dey stay with us and this my wife mama too. All of us dey outside dey receive fresh air just dey gist, because NEPA (na Never Expect Power Always na im dem still dey call them back then) seize light. My wife come start to take body near me, rub me oh. (Yanga dey sleep nai trouble go wake am)
Anybody wey get wife know say, once your Mrs dey give you sign like this ehn, there’s no time to waste. As a sharp guy, me sef carry hand over her shoulder, deposit am for her waist near body as if to say, “I sight the green light wey you dey give me”
Before any of us know wetin dey happen, our hands don dey play rough play for down below. But una know as e dey be na, we continue to dey gist with my mother in-law and my pikin like say nothing dey happen. We nor know when Johnny take enter inside house. The edede come start that her yeye laugh n aim me and my loving loving take the opportunity take go further for our moonlight adventure.
After a few minutes ehn, ok maybe e pass a few minutes, but after a while na im I notice say Johnny no dey outside with us again. I be wan ask my wife where im go when we hear shout! Na the shout even wake my wife mama from sleep. My pikin run come outside like person wey see Osama Bin Laden for inside im room.
“Big mummy! Big mummy!” Na wetin im dey call im grand mama be that.
“Wetin happen? Wetin happen?”
“Mummy, daddy, house dey burn!”
My people dey talk say na when the thing wey dey make woman run nor serious, na im she dey remember to hold breast.
If you see as my wife take pick race, fetch water from tap from outside dey go inside ehn, the speed shock me! As we reach inside house, no smoke, no fire. Na only one small candle wey don almost burn finish na im we see for ground. All of us look Johnny, Johnny dey look us.
The next thing, na im burst laugh say 12:00 am don sharp, say na April1st na im we enter so! Dey laugh dey tell us April Fool!
The thing vex me ehn! Of course im chop the slap wey im deserve from both im mama and grand mama. But, na wetin happen after Johnny go sleep n aim vex me.
As I baf finish, climb bed, na im Mrs continue from where we for stop outside!
I say for inside my mind I dey dance galala! As the other Junior for my life don stand at attention (after all no be fool im be), na imi my wife, the woman when I pay 25naira on top im head oh, commot hand, turn face the other side tell me.
“Nkem, April Fool, and good night.”
Na so I lie down to dia like person wey lightning strike! I turn deaf and dumb. The thing pain me reach my bone marrow!
The next morning, na so I inform Mama and pikin and edede say I don ban “April Fooling” from my house!